THE ORIGINAL SOURCE FOR WOMEN'S LEADERS SINCE 2001
Emotional Excuses in Women's Ministry
Dealing with Excuses Part 6
Julia Bettencourt
March 2015
Alright, I have been sharing my thoughts on excuses for our ladies not participating in our church women's ministry programs. I am to the last one, which is emotional excuses. This is the one that is very touchy. This is the one that can really cut deep and result in hurt. But to really help alleviate some of these excuses, we have to stop and listen and find out more about why our women have these emotional excuses.
Emotional Excuses
Emotional Excuses are those relating to feeling. These are the excuses that a women’s ministry leader dreads. One of the reasons is that they can come out of left field without any warning. These are not simple issues because they all have to do with how people feel, how they perceive, how they react, and how they understand.
There is no fast and hard way to combat these types of excuses. It must be done on an individual basis. The best thing to do is ask questions. If someone says they “feel” a certain way about something, ask why they feel that way. Ask them to give you a specific instance or example. Their answers will help you determine whether it is just something they perceive or something you may want to look into and investigate further. Many of the excuses that are emotional have to do with bitterness and hurt from past experiences. Don’t be afraid to ask about those. If someone says they were hurt by a former women’s ministry leader, ask if they ever went to that leader and told them how they felt. You don’t need to ask about specifics of what happened, but you can use the opportunity to remind them of the biblical procedure for forgiveness. You will find that the ladies that hold on to past hurts have never gone the route of biblical forgiveness. You might be the seed that plants a little softening in their heart toward the situation. Don’t just allow someone to say they were hurt in the past and now they just don’t attend women’s ministry activities. We are supposed to encourage others in the faith, so ask questions and encourage them with Scripture and counsel. These ladies don’t have a problem with women’s ministry but have put blame on women’s ministry because of the actions of people in the past.Also, women sometimes have hurt feelings or unforgiveness between other women in the church and won't participate in women's ministry programs because they don't want to be around that other lady. Yep. You can see that this type of excuse can get complicated. But we still have to do our best to encourage loving each other and unity among our women. Just a small word of encouragement to them to not live in the hurt or bitterness may encourage them to seek forgiveness and give forgiveness.
Another area of emotional excuses might be resentment. One lady might resent another for the position they hold. They might even resent you for being the women's leader. Resentment is one of those emotions that can really pull a woman down, so be the uplifter. Be the encourager to help and disciple that woman.
Still another area of emotional excuses comes from embarrassment or even shame. Some women have had hard lives and hard pasts and they are ashamed of that. Even those that have accepted Christ as Savior may still have issues with their past. Some embarrassment may even come from not looking like the other women such as because of their weight, because of their clothes, and other things. We have a lot of women with self-image and body issues, and I think the best thing we can do for those excuses is to be welcoming, be understanding, and most of all be loving like Jesus. Show those ladies what real Christian love is like.
Usually, these women with emotional excuses for not participating in women's ministry have other major hurts in their lives. Their problem with women's ministry probably is one of the small issues that eat at these women. Their difficulty with women's ministry might be because of extreme suffering in their lives. Some of these women are in abusive relationships, some are in dysfunctional families, some of them may be in the midst of financial battles. All of these things play on the emotions of women. We have to be very careful and very understanding that we just don't dismiss their excuses and ignore them. They may need our love, support, and prayers.
Those women with emotional excuses are usually hurting much deeper than we realize. A kind and encouraging word or even a reminder about how Jesus forgives and wants us to love may go a long way. Also, we may need to refer these women to seek counseling that we may not be able to give them as women's leaders. We may need to encourage them to see a professional counselor or encourage them to go to the pastor for spiritual counseling.
I've really only mentioned some of the emotional excuses women have for not participating in women's ministry programs, but just from discussing these, you can see that hurt goes deep. You can see that women hold on to their emotions. And as you know, emotions go up and down for us as humans. I think the best thing we can do as leaders to combat emotional excuses is just to keep loving like Jesus.
Copyright ©2015 Julia Bettencourt
Find all parts to this series in the Dealing with Excuses Index.
See more along this line in the Setbacks and Growth Index.
