August 09, 2019

Why can’t we be friends?

It’s Back to School time and one of the things that is on a lot of parents and kids’ minds is bullying. It’s a horrible topic. Isn’t it? It’s horrible for the kids that go through it. It’s horrible for the parents that have to deal with their kids’ broken hearts and spirits. It’s horrible all around.

When my kids were in grade school, middle school, and high school, there were always programs on bullying. I’d always worry about it as a parent because there is that fine line of teaching your kids to have thick skin and stand up for themselves verses knowing what bullying actually is and how to deal with it.

I think that the problem with some of the programs and curriculum on bullying is that everything negative in speech, actions, etc. is lumped into bullying, when just being mean or disliking someone isn’t bullying. That’s not saying being mean is okay, but kids (and adults) will be mean and have negative attitudes. That doesn’t mean their speech and behavior is necessarily bullying.

So as a parent teaching your kids the difference is sometimes hard, especially if they are in a school system where all negativity is chalked up as bullying. Look, we are human, and human children (and yes adults too) are not always going to be easy to get along with or always say and do nice things. That doesn’t mean they are automatically bullies.

There are three things that most dictionaries include in defining bullying. Those are seeking to harm, intimidate, and coerce those that are vulnerable.

Being Aware of Christian Bullying

I do know bullying is a problem. I find it sometimes floating over into the Christian world and we all know it doesn’t belong there. The phrase “Christian Bullying” should be an oxymoron. Right?

I was thinking about that whole thing of bullying and how we Christians are guilty of it sometimes. When non-believers bully us, we can handle it, but when done by other Christians, it can just suck the life right out of you! We know the world will persecute us.

Look what Jesus said in Matthew 5.

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you. Matthew 5:11-12 (KJV)

Christians sometimes bully other believers about their beliefs and their way of doing something. And they don’t just do it passively. They argue, debate, call each other names, start rumors about those people, and undermine them.

Sometimes Christians bully about how churches are run. Sometimes they bully over their perception of a passage of Scripture. Sometimes Christians bully over things just like in high school— clothes. Sad. Isn’t it?

Did you know that bullying other Christians about the way and manner in which they dress is no different than those kids who bully other kids about the brand of clothing they have on their back or the brand of shoes on their feet? Not that I don’t see the need for modesty in dress, but some people’s attitudes on this topic get way out of control.

I always see people slapping an indignant attitude on things like that. Just because you are indignant about something another Christian does that you don’t agree with doesn’t make your attitude right in the eyes of God.

There are always points of Scripture we are not going to agree on as Christians because of interpretation. That is a given, but we have to agree to get along. We have to work together in the Body of Christ. Bullying each other isn’t going to get us anywhere.

Knowing Love is the Opposite of Christian Bullying

I hear that old War song playing in my head.

Why can’t we be friends?  Why can’t we be friends?  Why can’t we be friends?  Why can’t we be friends?

We must work on that kindness and love that Jesus taught us. When we look into those next verses in Matthew 5, we see what it is all about. We have got to be shining that light to a world that is without Christ.

Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men. Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:13-16 (KJV)

Stamping Out Christian Bullying

Stamping out bullying is all about working on relationships, and I think in the Christian world that’s what we need to do with each other. We need to learn to act like adults and get along. We need to learn to relax with each other. We need to learn to sit down over coffee or tea and discuss things logically and with the understanding of the Bible as our basis.

There might be times when we just need to walk away. There might be times when we need to call in the pastor or another Christian. There might be times when we need to just learn not to respond in any way and to keep our mouths shut. There might be times when we need to be confident in God’s Word and speak out.

We need to learn to have patience, love, and understanding for each other. And we need to keep our own attitudes in check and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. I’ve always found that the closer my relationship with the Lord, the better I am able to handle relationships with other people— good or bad.

Copyright ©2019 Julia Bettencourt.

Find more Hot Topic Articles by Julia here.

• Leader Vault
• Blog
• Home