July 16, 2019

It’s a hard act to follow, so I think I’ll just follow Jesus!

Recently I wrote an article on I am not a Mary or a Martha!. I was thinking I’d also share how that I am also not a Proverbs 31 Woman as well.

So many women and even men want Christian women to be caught up with this proverb. Is it part of the Bible? Yes, but we have to see it for what it is and what it isn’t, and get a better perspective on it.

What Proverbs 31 Really is

Proverbs 31 is a passage written down by King Lemuel as he records the words of prophecy that his mother had for him. It’s basically a poem characterizing wisdom.

The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him. Proverbs 31:1 (KJV)

You have to read this chapter from the beginning to get it into context. This prophecy and words of advice from this mother doesn’t start at verse 10. It should be read from verse 1 to get the whole essence of it. By the way, it is a prophecy because it is a warning for the future. This mother didn’t want her son to get caught up in vices and sins in his future. He was going to be a king!

The more I study about Proverbs 31, the more I’m convinced it is all about wisdom as is all of Proverbs, and the “her” is not referring to any particular woman at all, but to wisdom and how she acts.

But even if you do see this as a real woman that this son may someday look for, you can see that this passage is written from a mother’s point of view. Sure! She is going to have lofty ideas for the type of woman she wants her son to marry. Her wishes are going to be an ideal woman.

No matter how you look at it, whether you think it is wisdom personified or a real woman—when you start in verse one, you can see that this passage contains words of insight and discernment handed down from a mother to her son.

I have read every commentary and every Bible source I can on Proverbs 31, and compared other exact statements about wisdom in the Bible, in order to arrive at rest with what I think it means. I don’t pretend to be any type of scholar. Believe me, we aren’t always going to know how God meant something and what something means. Even well-known Bible scholars argue points of Scripture.

I just think we have to stop taking what everyone tells us about something in the Bible and study it for ourselves. Please, study this proverb yourself and arrive at what gives you peace. Use Bible study tools, read books, and get advice from godly men and women if you want, but just don’t form an opinion without putting some effort into it.

In my point of view, all Christian women should take some time to investigate Proverbs 31 a little further on their own. Read it from the beginning several times if you haven’t ever done so. I’ve had several women tell me that they have never really read Proverbs 31 from the beginning. I find that disturbing and really wonder how many Christian women on a whole haven’t read the entirety of Proverbs 31. Seems like not ever reading all of it would give you a really narrow view of it.

What Proverbs 31 is not

This passage is not written to women, and though we can get something useful to think about from every part of the Bible, this isn’t a passage written expressly to women to live by and epitomize each aspect of in their lives.

This is not a do-to list that women have to achieve. It is not something that we have to hold ourselves up and measure our life by as women. Let’s get over that!

At one time I felt like Proverbs 31 was one of those things that you could work on a little here and there, like pearls on a string. I even wrote a devotional about that at one time. But I really don’t look at it like that anymore. I view it so much differently. I do hope I am getting a little wiser with all of this grey hair I’ve got!

As always, Jesus is the answer!

I’ve realized that I don’t have to work at achieving some list of things to do and live by expectations that are beyond me or any woman for that matter. One day it hit me. Hey! I’ve got grace! Christ died for my freedom from sin and fulfilled the law. I don’t try to live by the laws of the Old Testament, so why am I trying to make Proverbs 31 into a list of things and hold myself to them? I don’t have to! Jesus died for my freedom from that.

I just have to strive to live holy and do those things that I’m commanded. We women would be so much better off to just concentrate on that command of love that Jesus gave and forget trying to be a Proverbs 31 woman. We will accomplish so much more. We will have an overwhelming impact on those around us. We will free ourselves from expectations that no woman is ever going to meet.

I know! I know! I continually harp on that love thing that Jesus taught us throughout almost all of my writing, but it seems like that’s the thing that everything we do as Christians always goes back to when we consider how we are to live.

Personally, several years ago I freed myself from those expectations of a Proverbs 31 woman in my own life. I’m not sure even when it happened. I just had this clarity that all this pushing of being a Proverbs 31 Woman wasn’t right, and I wasn’t going to be a part of it. My concentration shifted to knowing Jesus more and being more of a disciple of Jesus. Like I said before, Christ gave me His grace. It’s so freeing! I don’t need to live under the laws of expectation.

Jesus is always the answer to getting over what erroneous teaching we have been taught. Jesus is always the answer when we get obsessed with something and can’t move past it. Jesus is always the answer when our thinking gets skewed.

The things Jesus wants us to do isn’t a long list of unrealistic expectations to live up to in life. Jesus gives us a simple route. The things that Jesus tells me to do and all those commands in the New Testament are actually things that I can accomplish. It may take work, but they aren’t unreachable goals like being a Proverbs 31 woman would have to be.

Look at some of the things Jesus tells us to do.

• Believe – John 6:47
• Follow me – Matthew 4:19
• Love the Lord – Mark 12:30
• Love others – Matthew 19:19
• Fear not – Matthew 10:31
• Let your light shine – Matthew 5:16
• Keep your word – Matthew 5:37
• Do unto others (as you would have them do to you) – Matthew 7:12
• Take my yoke – Matthew 11:28-30
• Pray – Matthew 6:9-13
• Spread the Gospel – Matthew 28:19-20

This is not an entire list of the commands that Jesus gave, but you get the picture. Jesus gives us simple and direct instructions. I think if we could just get women away from trying so hard to be this perfect Proverbs 31 woman, and just start listening to what Jesus said to do, we would have a revival among Christian women. We would see true Christianity shining forth from Christian women.

Following Jesus will bear fruit

I am not saying we can’t learn anything from Proverbs 31, or that wisdom in all of those areas it mentions isn’t important. I am just saying that we don’t need to try to fit into its mold of perfection and hold it up as the ultimate example. We are to be a disciple of Jesus, not a disciple of a Proverbs 31 Woman. Jesus is the ultimate example of how we should live as Christian men and women.

Remember Jesus didn’t say to “Follow the Proverbs 31 Woman and I will make you fishers of men”.

No, He said…

…Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. Matthew 4:19 (KJV)

When you take Proverbs 31 as an example for a prerequisite to live by as a Christian woman, you make life all about you, because all of those things you try to live up to will make you start being busy about improving yourself and your skills and ways of doing things. It brings it all back to you.

The goals of a Christian woman’s life shouldn’t be about what we are capable of doing. We can easily get caught up in the I’m a strong woman thing. We can easily make those good traits of Proverbs 31 about us and not about Jesus. Notice that in Mark 8:34 that it says, “let him deny himself”.

And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. Mark 8:34 (KJV)

In my point of view, our thinking has been backwards when it comes to this topic of Proverbs 31. Women have been seeking the outcome of those things that this proverb embodies by trying to be and do the things listed. But if you want some of those good and wise traits, you need to follow Jesus and His commands, then some of those good traits and virtues of Proverbs 31 will be evident in your life. You will learn to be trustworthy. You will learn to be kind and caring. You will learn to have that noble character. Getting close to Jesus is how we change our behavior.

If we want to change our behavior, we are going to have to look to Jesus to do it. We just don’t follow a list of things to attain and ta dah it happens. We have to get to know Jesus and learn His ways. That in return will help us reflect godliness and holiness.

I definitely don’t consider myself a Proverbs 31 Woman. I used to strive for it maybe when I was younger because that is what I was taught. But I think I’ve grown as a Christian enough to know that it isn’t a mandate or even plausible to live up to those expectations.

I’m so glad Jesus relieved me of all that. It was stressful, and I feel like for several years it hindered me from getting close to Jesus and really knowing Him. Especially when I was in my twenties and even my thirties—I was seeking something that wasn’t realistic. (Yeah! I’m going on 58)

It seems like when I let all that Proverbs 31 expectation stuff slide, I began grasping those commands of Jesus and understanding true Christianity a little better. My goal in life now is to be a Jesus Follower and not a Proverbs 31 Woman Follower. Until I truly knew the importance of following Jesus over following a Proverbs 31 woman, I was serving two masters. I wish I had learned what I was actually doing earlier in my life. I feel like it held me back from real Christian living.

I don’t pretend that trying to be a disciple of Jesus is easy, but with God’s grace, it is manageable.

Copyright ©2019 Julia Bettencourt.

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