September 13, 2019

I was thinking about the holidays coming up and all of the connecting we do as friends and family. The holidays hold something different for everyone. Sometimes holidays can be lonely because of the loss of a friend or family member, and it always hurts more at the holidays. Sometimes we don’t get along with our families or some people didn’t have good home lives in the first place. Overall, I think most of us have a longing to connect to friends and family, even if we don’t always get the connection we crave.

I was mulling over that whole concept and began to think about all the questions that I get from women’s leaders about how to get their women to connect. Connection. It’s a remarkable thing. Being linked to each other and entwined in the lives of other people can have such an impact on our own lives. When we think of this in regard to other Christians, it can be a powerful thing, because we are working together with a common goal. We have a common bond in Christ. We rely on each other for support, encouragement, and prayer.

I am never sure how to answer questions on that topic when they come in from women’s leaders because it’s hard to see each situation and what or why connection among their Christian women is being hindered.

We must see the need for Connection

I think one of the biggest things is that when we hold our women’s meetings through our churches is that we aren’t giving time for connection. Leaders tend to overstuff their meetings and events when it comes to church women’s groups.

I see it by many of the retreats and events and even the monthly women’s church meetings that I’ve attended myself. There just isn’t much opportunity given to just chatting and connecting. Hello! Talking is a big part of connecting. We women crave it!

I see women ask me about a skit to fill five minutes of time or a game that will take up ten minutes on the agenda. Why? My best advice is to just have some connection time during women’s events. Forgo the skits and games. Maybe they can be a good icebreaker from time to time, but in reality, they just don’t connect people like actual talking and conversation can.

We must stop hindering connection

I get questions too from leaders about how to keep women from talking during their meetings or during their devotional. Leaders sometimes want to take that as a personal dig to them or a personal attack on their leadership. I don’t think that is probably the case in most circumstances. I think it is part of this whole idea of needing and craving that connection with other women. I don’t think women intentionally are out there just trying to be disrespectful. They just genuinely crave connection.

I know when I was a young mother, especially with my last two children so close in age–when I attended a women’s meeting, I did not want to hear long and drawn out prayer by every single lady. I did not want to hear a woman preach for an hour and call it a devotional or a challenge. I just wanted to interact and talk to other adults and other women.

Attending a monthly women’s activity was my one time during the month that I actually got out of the house by myself and was able to be with adults and connect with other women. Sad to say, that sometimes I would just come home crying because someone would want to spend the whole time on prayer requests, or the devotional became one of those “sermons”. By the time it was over, I got back in the car disappointed and so let down. I can remember sitting in my car just bawling because there wasn’t any chance to sit and even say hello and chat for a minute. The entire time was filled and gone and I craved so much for that connection and didn’t get it.

We must put work into connection

I think that connecting with other women takes actual talking. I know we text and chat online by messaging back and forth. Or we see each other during the regular church services only to say hello and catch up quickly. But relationships and connections take time. We have to be able to talk. We have to be able to listen.

It doesn’t matter what kind of an activity or event we have through our women’s ministries in our churches. If women are never given the opportunity to talk and get to know each other, if they are never given the opportunity to just relax and laugh or even relax and cry, if they are never given the opportunity to tell their secrets, their joys, their sorrows to each other, they will not connect.

When you think about the schedules of most women, what do they do? Well…get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, get their family (if they have any) off to school or work. Then they go to work (or stay home and work). They maybe eat lunch at work or go grab a bite. Then they work some more. Then they go home. They then throw some clothes in the wash, do mom things like telling their kids to do their homework or take out the trash. They fix dinner, switch out the laundry, do a few household things, check their emails and texts. Then go to bed and start all over in the morning. Hopefully they find time to read their Bible and pray in there somewhere. But really, most women aren’t fellowshipping or building relationships with other women on a daily basis.

We must give opportunities for connection

Let’s get real. We must give opportunities for connection. Jesus connected with people everywhere He went. He stopped and talked to them. I love that Jesus didn’t use gimmicks. He didn’t need games, skits, icebreakers, videos, or anything like that. Everything He did revolved around talking to people. He did it when He taught, but also when He just met people in the street. He asked them questions. He listened for their answers. Jesus took the time to talk and to listen to people.

I think we miss a great opportunity for the Christian women we lead when we don’t encourage them to get to know each other. Connecting is all about building relationships, and relationships among Christian women is so important. Other Christian women are the women we need in our lives to pray for us, to encourage us, to sharpen us in things of the Lord, to teach and mentor us, to spur us on to do better, to laugh with us, to cry with us, and so much more.

We must Stir up connection

I am reminded of that verse in Hebrews.

And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Hebrews 10:24

That verse is talking about stirring up love and good works among other believers of Christ. How can we do that unless we connect and get to know each other?

We must realize that how people want to connect is different for everyone

As a side note here, another question I get asked on this topic is how to connect older women with the younger women. My personal opinion is that it will never happen as a whole. I think we can respect each other and even have friendships with each other, and yes, we can fellowship and work together in the body of Christ.

But ultimately, women usually like being with women that are in the season they are in themselves. It’s just how God made us. I’m not sure connecting the two (older and younger) is a goal we really need to strive for when it comes to women’s ministry. I think fellowshipping and having unity together is called for, and I think that those that are older and wiser in the Lord should teach the younger by sharing with them on a personal and individual basis.

I’m not exactly sure why, though, that leaders get hung up on wanting to mix old and young women up for every activity. We usually relate more to those who are going through the same stage of life we are. It’s just common sense.

I think it's good to get to know everyone in a church in every age group because it promotes unity and fellowhip, but having to make every activity and event mingled in age among our women I don't think is always a necessity. I think women's leaders worry too much over that aspect instead of focusing on real issues.

Conclusion

Thanks for stopping to mull over with me another one of the many things that perplex my brain. I do think connection is an important part of being a woman or any human being. It's that thing we crave, so I do think we need to work to promote connections among each other.

Copyright ©2019 Julia Bettencourt.

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